ENGLISH JOKES
Share an English joke with your classmates. Post a joke a native English speaker has told you, or a joke you've read or heard (different from the ones told in class). Try to not repeat. Before posting yours, read the ones your classmates have previously posted.
Looking for a good joke, i found this one.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
I hope you had liked.
KATHY RODRIGUEZ NIÑO
TITANIC LAUGHTER
ReplyDeleteThe world´s worst magician was on board the titanic.
One night while performing in front of an audience he accidentally pulled a parrot out of a hat instead of a rabbit.
"You're a failure, you're a failure!" the parrot squawked.
Next the magician trying levitating a woman, but the strings broke.
"You're a failure, you're a failure!" the parrot squawked again.
"For my next trick, "said the magician,"I shall make this ship disappear."
Suddenly, at that very moment, the Titanic hit an iceberg and sank.
Later, when the parrot found itself clinging desperately to the magician aboard the lifeboat,the last of the ship disappeared beneath the ocean.
"Sorry," squawked the parrot, "but you´re better than I thought you were"
I Found this joke in a book called "GREATEST JOKES ON EARTH"
I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS JOKE!
Lorena Peña Flórez .
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ReplyDeleteI hope you like this joke I found on internet :)
ReplyDeleteTwo blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blonde looks out the window and says:'Yes.No.Yes.No'
Sergio Andres Mendoza
One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he's her half brother. The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off. She goes to her mom and says, "Mom... What have you been doing all your life? Dad's been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!"
ReplyDeleteHer mom replies, "Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad."
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Hey guys, I found this one here: http://comedy.101funjokes.com/
-comedy section-
And here is another one:
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Atch!
Atch who?
I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!
Jordy Fabián Velasco Arias
DeleteWhat are the 3 ways of spreading a rumour?
ReplyDelete1.Telegram
2.Telephone
3.Tell a woman
:D Jefferson Ardila Pulido
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
ReplyDelete"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
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“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.
“Why not, son?”
“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. And three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day…”
“But why don’t you want to go today?”
“Because the English teacher died yesterday!”
Alex Morales (Y)
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted. " Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!! " The doctor replied. " I know you can't, I've cut your arms off"
ReplyDelete_____________________________________________________ Two balloons are floating across the dessert. One balloon says to the other "look out for the cactusssssssssssssss!! "
José Amaury Gómez S.
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ReplyDeleteA man visits God and says: God, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
ReplyDeleteGod says: No, ask me anything at all
So the man says: God, you've been around for a very long time, so for you, how long is a thousand years?
God replies: For me a thousand years is only five minutes
The man says: That's interesting, God! And for you how mich is a million dollars
God replies: For me a million dollars is only five cents
The man says: Really? Well then, God, could you lend me 5 cents, please?
God looks at the man, smiles and says: Of course my son, just wait five minutes
Worms
DeleteIt was the first day of Biology for a group of teenagers. The
professor had arranged a short demonstration for the class.
He took a worm and dropped it into a glass of water. The worm
wriggled about in the water.
Then he took a second worm and dropped it into a glass of alcohol.
The worm immediately died.
The professor asked the students if anyone knew what the point of
the demonstration was.
A boy raised his hand and said, "You're showing us that if we drink
alcohol, we won't have worms."
DANIEL MORALES
A WOMAN is walking down the street to work when she sees a parrot perched in front of a pet shop.
ReplyDeleteThe parrot squawks, "Hey, lady! Man, are you ever ugly!" Furious the lady storms past the bird to work.
On her way home the parrot spots her again and says, "Hey, lady! Man, are you ever ugly!"
The enraged woman storms into the pet shop to complain. She confronts the manager, who apologizes and promises to make sure the parrot doesn't say it again.
When she walks past the store the next morning, again the parrot calls to her, "Hey, lady!"
She pauses and asks, "Yes?"
the parrot replies :"YOU KNOW."
NÓRIDA BERMÚDEZ
God and the man
ReplyDeleteA man visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a
few questions?" God says "No, ask me anything at all."
So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time,
so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"
God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."
The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you,
how much is a million dollars?"
God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."
The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me
five cents please?"
God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son.
Just wait five minutes!"
NATHALY ARCIENIEGAS ESTEPA
Didn't you read the instruction and the jokes posted above? That joke had already been posted. look for another one and post again.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTWO MEN BOUGHT TWO MICE before going to work, they asked each other : But how do we recognize our mice? So, one said to the other one: Well, I'm going to cut a finger to my mouse and like that I will know which one is mine.
ReplyDeleteWhen the men went to work, the 2 mice looked at each other and one said to the other one but you have a missing finger, I'm going to eat the same finger like you, like that we will be the same.
When the friends came from work they saw that both mice have a missing finger. So the next day one mouse have another cut finger and when the mice were alone the one with one more finger ate one in order to be like the other one.
And the men continue to cut the fingers and the mice continue to be the same. At the end when no more fingers were left in their feet, both men started to think what to do to recognize them.
Finally one of the men said to the other one, I know how we can recognize our mice. YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE THE BLACK AND I'LL TAKE THE WHITE!!!
VANESSA SERRANO
The British At School
ReplyDeleteOne day, Mrs Arnold, a teacher at Green Barn Infant School, Norwich, England, was attempting to teach the names of animals to a class of 5-year-olds.
Firstly she held up a picture of a deer, and asked one boy, 'Sammy, what is this animal?'
Sammy looked at the picture with a disheartened look on his face and responded, 'I'm sorry Mrs Arnold, I don't know.'
Mrs Arnold was not one to give up easily, so she then asked Sammy, 'Well, Sammy, what does your Mummy call your Daddy?'
Sammy's face suddenly brightened up, but then a confused look spread slowly, and he asked, 'Mrs Arnold, is that really a pig?'
Jenny Cadena
"Dad, can you write in the dark?"
ReplyDelete"I think so. What is it you want me to write?"
"Your name on this report card."
A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language."
"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never know that bird to swear."
"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."
-Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
ReplyDelete-Yes, of course.
-Great, I never could before.
Edwin Alexis Diaz pabón
- Mum, mum, in school everybody tells me that I'm confused!
ReplyDelete- Hey, kid, this is not your house... you live opposite the street!
:D
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An Italian, a Frenchman and a Mexican went for a job interview in England. Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence
in English with three main words: green, pink, and yellow.
The Italian was first: "I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."
The Frenchman was next: "I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther
on TV."
Last one was the Mexican: "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green...green...", I pink up the phone and I say "Yellow?"
:D
Oscar Julian Osorio Fontiveros
The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
DeleteThe student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run ...
A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!
Astrid Paola Parada Caballero
Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her
ReplyDeleteson coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood,
and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his
mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For
kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and
for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."
Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through
the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.
The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna
tell him, or should I ?"
NATHALY ARCINIEGAS
And BTW, remember the joke we read about this bilingual cat that could bark? Well, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP3gzee1cps&feature=player_embedded heheheh
ReplyDelete